I Can't Tell The Difference Anymore
A few weeks ago, we replaced the bulb in our projector at The Element. By we, I mean a much more capable person named Wyatt. And by replaced, I mean Wyatt climbed a ridiculously large ladder at a height that makes me sweaty just writing about it.
It was a long-needed change. For a while, whenever we would turn on our projector, a blinking warning greeted us and informed us of the former bulb’s impending doom. How long did we have before its death? We didn’t want to find out. So Wyatt climbed a ladder, installed a new bulb and the warning disappeared.
I learned something too. Projector bulbs function differently than regular light bulbs. I’m used to replacing bulbs at home. They shine, they burn out and look sad until they’re replaced. Not projector bulbs.
Projector bulbs don’t just shine and stop. Projector bulbs slowly fade. The image they display gets dimmer and dimmer while the warning blinks across the screen telling you it will eventually stop shining all together.
Once our new bulb was replaced, I realized just how dim the old bulb had gotten. Wyatt put an image up on the screen that I see every week. It was our logo - a simple image, but with this new bulb, it popped! It looked like the screen was replaced with an enormous television. Everything was bright. Colors were displayed like I hadn’t seen before. I had to squint.
That was a couple weeks ago. Eventually I got used to it. And I realized, I can’t tell the difference anymore.
It’s probably still just as bright. Those bulbs last years. My eyes simply adjusted. I got used to the new display. And now, I can’t really remember the old image that was.
I’ve been thinking about projections lately - not just for the screen for the worship community I am a part of. I’ve been thinking about the projections I place on people through my own emotions or assessments or values. I’m not sure it’s possible to live life without projecting certain statuses on people. That’s unfortunate.
More specifically, I’ve been thinking about times through the years that I have responded to hurts or offenses by using my dimly lit bulb to project enemy status on people. It’s a defense mechanism. And it works.
It gives me a warning when I interact. A warning that says, “Don’t get too close. Remember last time. Keep your guard up. Fight. Battle. Don’t give any ground.”
The problem is, when we function like that, we stop seeing another person as a person. We only see what we project. We only see enemy.
Once I start projecting enemy status on someone, eventually I can’t differentiate from the hurt that once came and the person that is there. Between the offense felt and the person that lives and breaths and moves. I can’t tell the difference anymore.
That’s a scary place to be. It’s why Jesus asks us to pray for our enemies. It’s why we need to pray for ourselves, that our bulbs could be, not replaced, but made new. We’re called to do this so we can be the people we are designed to be - people filled with great light. Maybe even the kind of light that makes others squint.
I’m learning not to give into the lies of former projections. I’m learning that hurts and offenses are byproducts of being vulnerable and authentic. I’m learning to set aside my own projections and see the reality that lies beneath.
Matthew 5:44-45a "But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who harass you so that you will be acting as children of your Father who is in heaven."
So. How are your bulbs?
